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My Favorite Addicting Offseason Stories

Get ready Packer fans.  It’s that time of year again. Training camp is right around the corner. Some NFL teams have started camp already and the Packers report on Friday.  We can almost taste it.  We’re excited.  We’ve been waiting for this since the end of last year’s disappointing finish.  We’re hungry for some real football.

However, real football isn’t here yet.  This is a problem.  Still, we will take whatever we can get.  The media feeds us meaningless, flavorless stories capitalizing on our addiction and somehow, we love it.  We bought into the drama that the media creates and now we can leave it behind.  On that note, I present my favorite addicting stories with no real football substance from this offseason.

6. T.O. Mania Hits Buffalo and TV. Terrell Owens has a new reality show to go along with his new team.  He gives the Bills a dangerous offensive weapon and all of us more reasons to hate him.  I watched his show once.  It was a half hour of my life that is gone forever.  I can’t wait to see this locker room cancer destroy the hopes of yet another team.  Maybe we should send the Bills to Canada, at least until T.O. leaves.

5. TONY ROMO BREAKS UP WITH JESSICA SIMPSON. Reportedly, Tony Romo broke things of with the pop/reality star the night before her 29th birthday party.  Apparently, Romo was not a big fan of becoming a real life Ken doll to accompany Simpson to her Barbie themed party.  To top it off, Romo has banned her from his home.  The New York Daily News reported that there is a sign on Romo’s door that reads, “RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN….JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS.”

“She is heartbroken,” says a source. “She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways.”  A family friend said, “Jessica was really blindsided.  She’s sad, mad, and confused.  Her emotions are all over the place.”

The irony of this story is too perfect.  Tony Romo is notorious for his big game failures.  He seems to golf more than he plays football and he gets caught up in tabloid celebrity gossip more than football talk shows.  Maybe, Romo’s failure to win a big game really was because of the bad luck Jessica brought along with her pink Cowboy’s jersey.  Or, maybe, he just has to get past his frat boy mentality, avoid dating celebrities, and concentrate on football.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m going to miss all the reasons to rip on this Burlington, WI native.

4. LEBRON JAMES IS A CRYBABY AND A POTHEAD? First, the guy leaves the court after a tough loss, refusing to give interviews.  Then Nike confiscates a really benign video of him getting dunked by a high schooler.  Then reports come out that the King used marijuana in high school.  Does he really deserve all the criticism?  He’s practically a kid still.

OK, so Lebron James smoked dope in high school.  This has even less to do with football than my other favorites, but it’s a great opportunity to give Sportsgab guru and Cleveland sportswriter, Matt Loede, a little grief.  Don’t take this the wrong way.  Lebron James is the best basketball player on the planet and as far as I can tell, a stand up guy.  He’s grown up a lot since high school and there is little doubt he will lead the Cavs to a title in the near future.

3. DETROIT LIONS PREDICTIONS. They went 0-16 last year.  The whole world loved giving them grief for it.  Even the Michigan sports media ripped them apart, my favorite being Ryan Terpstra’s Epic Fail Blog, which can be found at http://blog.mlive.com/terpstake.  Now they have Matthew Stafford, a new coach, and a new GM, but I still find it hilarious when sports writers give them a legitimate chance to be a contender in the NFC North.  Take it from me, the lions will be an epic failure again this year, and the next, and the next.

2. PLAXICO BURRESS SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE LEG, FACES JAIL TIME. We all know that Plaxico Burress is a big headed idiot.  He did rip up the league and the Packers on the way to Super Bowl XLII, but he reversed his fortunes the next season.  He held out, was sued by a car dealership, suspended by his team, and added to it al by shooting himself in the leg with a gun he owned illegally.  Now, Burress is suspended by the league and faces serious jail time.

1.  BRETT FAVRE RETIRES? Favre won’t be joining the Vikings in time for training camp.  However, the Brett Favre retirement saga suggested otherwise for most of the offseason.

First, the Jets let him go.  Then there were rumors.  The Vikings sent their trainers to work out with him.  He was throwing with high school kids, getting his arm ready for yet another NFL season.  Supposedly, the Vikings even printed purple number four jerseys.

Yesterday, Favre informed the Vikings that he will not play for them in 2009.  But, he did leave the door open, “If somebody calls November 1st, who knows?”  Let’s hope this legend finally does ride off into the sunset without tarnishing his reputation with an ugly jersey.  We want to retire his number already.


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